Friday, August 13, 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

BLAH

I am just majorly blah today. I must pull myself out of this rut and go do something that'll liven my spirits up. At the library again because I have deadlines to meet, but I don't feel like reading anyway. Maybe I'll go home and fix myself a smashing lunch. Something Asian. That is all.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Study Room Planning

So here I am, sucked in laziness once again. I am supposed to be reading up on my thesis work, but I haven't mustered up the motivation to start. That, or maybe I just have developed an irritation towards noise and can no longer, no matter what I do, block it or push it aside to concentrate on my work. I have been sitting at the library for about 2 hours now, attempting to read at least a chapter out of this book, but I can't. Instead, I have been planning. (on getting a desk so that I can work at home in a much more comfortable and quiet place).

How should I decorate my work/study room?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Rehab

What is up with people who think that they NEED to see a therapist? Is it the "IN" thing to do? It seems like it is. I'm reading a book where the author shamelessly parades the dependence of her functionality on the multiple sessions with her psychiatrist. A person the author gets romantically involved with in the memoir only succumbs to his emotions towards her when his psychologist flashes him the green light, signaling his readiness to pursue the said relationship.

Why does it seem that people can't make their own decisions anymore?

GAH!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Writing and rewriting the past

When I was a little girl, I convinced myself that when I grew up I would write novels for a living. I never had any specific ideas on what my novel would be about, but I always thought that it would be regarded as ahead of its time- something totally unique and unexpected.Recently, I find myself imagining a rewritten past. I try never to dwell on things that cannot be altered anymore, but it may just be this summer heat that lulls me into a state of lethargy and longing.

It was in one of my daydreams that I accessed memories of my high school days. I never boast of ever having a photographic memory because I've come to realize and accept that possess one that resembles a fish's. I also am the type of person who works hard on forgetting detestable experiences by repeatedly pushing them aside until they become lost in the dark reaches of my mental cavern.

So it was a surprising when memories from such a traumatic part of my youth became extremely vivid in my mind. I specifically recalled the only time I got detention. I remember I was given the detention slip because I was wearing a tank top, it may have been a turquoise coloured one, and either a bra strap or my navel was showing. I didn't have any friends around me when I was singled out in the hallway. I remember the mean lady with the weave calling out, "young lady, come here please." I looked around me and saw the blonde with the low cut shirt, her ample breasts almost spilling out of her top walking with her pin-straight brown haired friend who was wearing a short, white skirt that hugged her thighs tightly just like those disgusting cling-wrapped burritos served at lunch. They both walked past me while the mean lady with the weave closed in and tapped me on my shoulder. At that time, I was afraid of authority, and that mean lady owned that school. So, I didn't even try hard to defend ' myself. The little "But it was only momentarily hiked up because I was moving" that squeaked from my lips landed me a lunch detention.

After going through this painful memory, I thought about rewriting this in my head. If I could go back in the past, to this specific moment, what would I do differently? After re-imagining a myriad of scenarios from changing my clothes to a full-on battle royale in the cafeteria, I decided that I would tell that mean woman of her unfair judgement. I know, noble. But for a high school kid, especially for the mousy, quiet minorities like me, it would be a victory.

High school is a cruel and unjust environment. Hostile to most, comfortable only to those who, thankfully, peak at that age. Why the hell do Americans insist that their children be put through this stressful period? I was fortunate enough to spend a couple months of high school in the Philippines before migrating to the US. Sure, there was drama in my Philippine high school, but there were never cliques this disparate and exclusive. There was authority, and we feared those who had it, but no one was ever oppressed to keep their thoughts to themselves. Nor were those who spoke out punished.

This memory, along with Jules Feiffer's essay "The Great Comic Book Heroes, led me to think that perhaps society is molding its citizens' lives incorrectly, focusing on structure and purpose to give it any worth. Children want to be older because they are constantly bombarded by adults with orders like, "do better in school or else you won't get a good job," or "look at me, I worked hard to get this far." They aren't allowed the idyllic pleasures of doodling or chattering or playing under the sun. It seems as if there is always work to be done- work that never gets done and requires constant attention.

I am caught in a situation where I realize that the way I want to live my life is impossible because I have to be an adult. I find myself asking, why do I have to follow all these rules? Why do I have to subscribe to the way the majority of people tell me to do so? Why do we have to work? Does work really give us a purpose to live? Does it really give more meaning to the time when we aren't working?

Bullshit. If only the world could be rewritten.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Should I Read Austen?

Being a girl, I can get away with a lot of things. I know I said "girl" even though I am technically a "woman," but a lot of the times I don't necessarily feel like one. Sure, there's the bill paying and the home maintenance and the constant compromising to ensure my marriage remains intact, but really all I want to do is play dress up and eat candy. I also really like watching movies. And although I've prided myself for not being such a girly girl when it comes to the movies I pick, there are those sentimental, cheesy ones that I just can't resist watching.

So today, since I finished my work early, (that is, I read all the school stuff I allotted myself to read today) I decided to treat myself to a girlie-ish movie. I perused the COMEDY section and this stuck out:


Now, I love reading and I love movies about books or movies based on books. I am so boring, I know... but I have never ever actually read a Jane Austen novel. I mean, I've TRIED. Multiple times. A couple years back, I tried reading Pride and Prejudice at the behest of a colleague. A few weeks ago, I tried to read Emma while on the beach. But I never ever got past the first chapter of either of those books; They're really just not my thing. I picked the movie up nonetheless. What could I lose? I mean, Jane Austen usually appeals to a much more refined crowd, so at least the script would be good, right?

Gah, I am such a tool. Of course I liked the movie. Apart from the main guy, Hugh Dancy, being HOT, I really like stories about groups of people. Maybe it's because it gives me more of a choice, whereas it's hard to like a movie when there's only one focal character since that person (or animal or robot or alien) may not appeal to you. Now that I think about it though, it seems like I actually liked all the stories and people involved. I am sure I am missing awesome references to the Austen books here, but the movie in itself was quite good.

Let's see. My favorite story line has got to be the love story between Grigg and Jocelyn. I am biased though since Grigg's character (and beautiful face) is sooo my type. But really, I totally think it is so romantic to gauge a relationship based on books each person likes. Dorky? Whatever.

I also equally liked Prudie's story, especially the revelation of her delinquent mother. After seeing her mother trash Prudie's apartment, I caught myself thinking, 'Girls with mother issues have great potentials to become successful women since they have so many dreams they want and work hard to achieve... but then they have to deal with the mother issues.'

Realistically, I know it would be close to impossible to find a whole group of people who would find their lives impacted or influenced by Jane Austen's works. Then again, it's really all about each person's interpretation of the story, and most of the time, people try to find connections in any book they read so who's to say that Jane Austen hasn't affected their lives?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

summer updates

So after contemplating for a very long time, I finally decided to blog again. I've actually missed just writing something, no matter how insignificant it seems because. . . I just like writing, I suppose. I've started a comics blog, which has been great because now I'm a little bit more organized. So, no more comic books posts on this blog. I really haven't thought about what I want to do with this blog though. I think I will just fill it with things I like to write on any particular day. I might even really get motivated to do some fashion blogging since I've wanted to do that since I started this whole blog. Anyway, here I am again.

♥ . UPDATES . ♥

My summer has been amazing. I have just been lolling around the house, watching TV and reading tons of books. I am so glad I decided not to take any summer classes because I would be crazy by now. I have been reading a lot of Old English stuffs (well, I've been trying) and been cooking a lot, like really. As I type, I have a loaf of challah cooking up in the oven. My house smells amazing.

I have decided to grow my hair. I really cannot stand having short hair anymore. I just read a blog post of mine from last year after I had cut my hair and I don't know why I still went ahead for another trim. Rest assured I won't be getting a cut for a while.

Thesis stuff starts in a couple months. Well, the prospectus part of it at least. So, I've just been pre-reading. What does that mean? That means being lazy and not really reading as fast as I could be. I still want to be able to watch all the movies I've planned to watch over the summer, you know.

Apart from that, nothing else new. Hopefully, I get to keep up with the writing again.